I am so tired

I am so so tired

tired for everything

i need extra rest

give me more time

and please send some energy to me

i need it badly

心脏日记 一

终于开始了实习的日子，在国家心脏中心呆了一个礼拜，心里充满了不同的情绪，有开心的，难过得甚至是紧张的。

开始觉得世界很小，竟然在那里遇到了毕业后就不在联络的senior，是那么的巧合。

开始接触ward round后，也开始接触一些个案后，真的发现，生命，它是多么的脆弱。

今天，你可能还很活跃，但明天也许你再也看不到他的笑容。要学会，珍惜当下，生命真的没有take2.

在这里，的确会遇到蛮多的挑战，英文不好难与别人沟通，特别是当别人解释一堆病情时，根本听不懂他们在说什么。接下来，medical terms，对一名文科生来说，简直就是外星语言。接下来，本来就胆小怕事怕血的我，在病房里走来走去真的还蛮不舒服的，特别是icu，冷气的温度简直让我更难受。

但，当我在和supervisor接触了那些病人后，我发现他们真的很需要这样的“辅导”，哪怕只是陪着他们，让他们知道他们不是孤单的。还有我，你和他一起陪着一起打战。

实习才一个星期，去收到了3个病人去世的消息。其中一个，我在PICU见过他两面。全身插满了仪器和管子，他是多么的辛苦，或许离开对他是个解脱，但他真的还小，还来不及看这世界的美好。看见病床旁的妈妈，一直爱抚着孩子，和孩子说话，默默地流泪。那是一幕幕感动又心疼得画面啊。。孩子，你一路走好，愿你找到你的极乐世界。

接下来，希望自己可以给于更多的帮助和陪伴。

加油  也祝福自己。

旅。人

最近遇到了一个朋友，不算深交，但也认识了几年。这一次的相遇，让我对他，对旅行有了更深入的看法。我真的不得不觉得，缘分真的很奥妙，生命充满了惊喜，你永远不会知道天使什么时候会出现。

在谈话的过程中，我知道他刚流浪回来（流浪指的是放下包袱，工作和一切的一切，一个人出走），虽然只是短暂的流浪，但，天啊，这不都是我一直向往的自由吗？

和他谈了很多，他说，每年，他都会有自己的四次流浪出走，那是他给自己的礼物。他也很清楚自己出发的理想--就是充电和给自己休息。

听了这些后，我开始想，自己向往的自由到底是什么，背后的意义又是什么？如果什么都不清楚，那流浪的意义在哪？我想，我喜欢和人连接，发现新东西，这应该也是一点点想流浪的原因吧？

他说：人，到了不同阶段，就会有不同的想法。我很认同，也觉得自己的想法一直在改变。

他又说：这次的旅程，他突然感觉孤单了，一个人有时很寂寞。

这句话，又让我有更深的想法，是的，我追求自由，追求一个人，但我是不是更该珍惜现有的一切？

生命中总是会有这样的天使出现，让你启发。感恩。

谢谢你。

A visit to Xiao En Center

It's 22nd Dec, and according to Mayan, it will be doomsday but it seems not happen yet because i still able here to online and write this post.

Today was a very special day for me because it's my very first time learn about "life and death" especially in this meaningful day(doomsday) because 430 peoples from differences place gather here just to learn about it.Doomsday didn't happen and it simply explain that we born for second times right? So please do enjoy your life and make sure no regret for it.

Yeah, there's a seminar held by Xiao En and after the seminar we got the chance to visit Xiao En Center.

Yes, scary/dark/cold always comes to my mind when think about the place for funeral ceremony BUT it totally out of my expectation when comes to Xiao En.I was like "OMG, it just like a hotel/ballroom..!"

Here are some photos took from Xiao En Center..

Waiting place

another part of waiting place

chairs

So class!

So nice and class right and can you imaging that that's the place for funeral ceremony or related function but of course there's a multi function hall for seminar/workshop and talks.Besides that, Xiao En is providing grieve counseling service and it's first in Malaysia.And their counseling room just so nice..Seriously i never thought counseling rooms can be so nice and it comes with nice view from outside,soft music and aroma smell.Totally feeling so relax there.

counseling room 

counseling room

 Besides that, we got the chance to visit their gallery room ( not sure what they called the room) ..and there got a lot of coffins..It's my first time look at the coffins so some emotions did comes to me..I keep thinking about what will be and what's the feeling of lying inside the coffin..It still so scary but at least i overcome the fearful feeling after the visit.Is this explained that I can accept a little bit of death now?

White Coffins for Babies

Coffins

It cost rm88888..I dont get why it so expensive

Another rm88888 coffin 

The white coffin

Writing this post is not going to promote Xiao En Center or what but it just to share my experience of visiting there.It's not as scary as i thought before.

Be grateful and appreciate when you still alive .

New Journey

Time flies and it comes to my final week in UM (hope everything will go smooth as i thought)..
Seriously, i found myself still not really ready to enter another new journey-- my practical ...
You must be thinking and wondering where will me and my partner go for our practical right? 
yeah, we are going to practical at Institut Jantung Negara( IJN) and you must be wonder what will we do at there right?
Seriously, i am as blur as you all cause I got NO idea what will my practical be,what i have to do over there and so on.

I am not ready at all and still worried about my competency,my skills, my knowledge and so on.

I found myself so worried, stress and quite nervous even it will only start on Feb, next year.
I worried that i might can failed my subjects and make me cant go for practical,worried where to stay, how's the traffic condition from my house and etc..
I know i think too much already, BUT this is me.A girl who always live and cope with worries.
Now, i m trying my very best to cope with all the problems and worries then prepare myself to enter the journey and call myself "COUNSELOR".

Happy preparing girl.

小时候的我们

小时候的我们
什么也没有
没有iphone
没有ipad
没有LCD电视
但是
那时的我们
是最开心的
因为我们
不懂得比较
过的好幸福
好简单


我想念
小时候的我们

去年的今天

去年的今天，对我来说是个非常特别的一天
21位演员，21位舞蹈员在21号的这一天
我们共创了属于我们的缤纷迷你村
那是我第一年，第一次站在舞台上表演
台下来了好多朋友
因为那一次，我开始爱上了表演
我享受站在舞台上的感觉
并默默的许下承诺，
今年我一定要再次站上这个舞台

今年我成功通过试镜
又有机会站上这舞台
之前因为些原因
一直无法享受自己的角色
只剩五天
希望自己可以做到更好
好好享受
这属于自己的最后一次演出

加油，我对自己说。

自信，舞台就是你的。（戴晨志）